Bonding

I heard a disturbing confession by the "Octomom" the other day.  She stated that she had not been able to bond with her 8 babies.

There is much written about this phenomenon, sometimes called Attachment Disorder or Reactive Attachment Disorder.  It is often linked to babies left tied to beds in orphanages, babies of alcoholic or drug addicted mothers, or mothers that do not have that nurturing instinct.

Several years ago, when our oldest G14 was 11 or 12, she drew a picture of "our family".  According to size, I could identify mom, dad, sister and 2 brothers.  "Where are you?" I asked.  She pointed to a baby in the mom's arms. 

She knew something that I was not aware of at the time - that kids who have Attachment Disorder must be allowed to go back to that infant state and progress through the stages of toddler and childhood in order to overcome the long-lasting effects of this lack of nurturing.

At the time, I gave a copy of this picture to her therapist, aware that it had a message, but not sure what I was supposed to do with this information that she portrayed in her picture.  Looking back, I am rather miffed that the therapist did not help me understand how to help G14. 

G14 came to us when she was 8 years old.  Because of her fierce loyalty to her mom who had abused and neglected her, she had a thick wall up and fought me on every front.  The more I worked to break down the wall, the more resistant she became.  We finally had to let her go.

I will write more about the symptoms of Attachment Disorder, and I hope it will help others understand how to be aware and help their special kids.

S